First, the job update.  There is none.  I’m starting to think there may never be one.  I’m only kind of on board with the waitressing plan I’ve been floating, but I may have to get my act together on that front too, b/c if 6 more weeks go by without a job I’m going to be in pretty serious financial turmoil.  If everything else didn’t feel so fantastic I might be worried… instead I’m confident things’ll be fine.

Second, I’m making my first venture back to the east coast as a visitor on Thursday, to be a bridesmaid in a friend’s wedding.  When I left Boston I was afraid this trip would feel more like coming home, to be returning so soon, and that I might have pangs of regret about leaving the city when I decided to leave my marriage… but my life in Boston feels light-years away already.  Turns out I wasn’t kidding about being a northwesterner.

Third, Barack Obama is going to win the presidential election tomorrow.  Awesome.

Fourth, emm, back to M.  We texted a couple times the week after we met, and learned we were both planning to join in another Friday night dancefest.  During the day on Friday I tweeted about heading downtown and immediately got a text back from M wondering where exactly I would be.  I wasn’t about to invite him along on my coffee date w/ an ex, but I texted again a couple hours later and we met up.  To make out.  On busy street corners all over downtown.  It was juvenile and ridiculous, and would have been embarrassing if it wasn’t so incredibly fun.  He asked if I’d stay over again, after dancing; I (of course) said yes.  Hit up a bday party that night, went dancing, flirted like hell, then stayed up til 6 am with M.

I went out with friends Saturday night, and for a short hike Sunday, then met M for an hour-long makeout session in a park before heading home.  Once again, completely ridiculous, but obviously becoming a pretty enjoyable pattern.  No serious talks were had (who can fit in words w/ all the making out going on??), but we started hinting about possibly (gasp) going on a date sometime.  So we can, you know, figure out who the other person is.

At some point in the wee hours this last week M stumbled upon me on facebook, and we had an hour long chat session.  Amusingly, chatting felt really intimate since it was an unexplored frontier, even though we were already comfortably engaging in more intimate activities in person.  The conversation flowed smoothly, and was interesting and fun.  We met for another Friday afternoon downtown makeout session, and met up later Friday night at a Halloween party.  Followed by (what else?) another near all-nighter at M’s.

Saturday we dragged ourselves out of bed around 2:00 to go to lunch before I had to head home…  it was there that trouble began, in the form of none too subtle hints that the strong attraction we’re both feeling isn’t just physical, that we share in common a number of important desires and traits, and that we’re both vaguely assessing longer-term compatibility as we’re enjoying the time we spend together….  trouble trouble trouble.

Apparently I’ve already lost interest in what I thought was going to be a lengthy and well-deserved period of unadulterated hedonism.  WTF?

Increasingly, the adriftedness is positive. There’s so much possibility! I’m getting reacquainted with aspects of my personality I used to like but haven’t seen in years, and getting to consciously add aspects I’m lacking but want.

It’s fun, getting dug up.

Before I had agreed to meet with D I gave him a head’s up that I had later plans to meet with my friends P and co. After dinner, D indicated he’d like to go with me, so we took a cab to the bar my friends were frequenting. By the time we arrived, I was realizing I had made two pretty big mistakes: 1.) I hadn’t mentioned the whole “Hey, I met this guy on OkC, this is a date” thing to P; and 2.) I hadn’t mentioned the whole, “Hey, I’m married” thing to D.

(Quick back-story: a few days ago P was drinking heavily with several of his co-workers, mourning layoffs that had occurred at their company earlier that day. Randomly I received a text from a number I didn’t recognize, from someone who was obviously with P. P was apparently speaking highly of me to his friends and, inexplicably, handing out my phone number. I now know the mystery person is M, but he refused to tell me his name in our texts. We exchanged a few flirty messages, but I decided he was too cocky, stopped responding, and deleted all the texts without saving his number, even though he’d suggested I call next time I was in town hanging out with P.)

Back to the bar. D and I walked in, and, predictably, P started asking D how we knew each other. Did we go to high school together? Know each other through geographic proximity? Mutual friends? To his credit, D played it pretty cool, but P nonetheless called him out with, “By your answers I have to assume you either met drunk at a bar or on match.com.” Lil awkward.

At this point, one of P’s friends walked past. P pointed him out and said to me, “that’s the guy who texted you this week.” M overheard, turned around, and smiled at me. He was cute. We clinked glasses. He immediately asked about my marriage (which had come up in our texts after P apparently blurted out “she’s married,” because M, too, has a failed marriage under his belt), loudly enough for D, who was still standing right there, to hear.

I spun away from where D was standing and hissed at M. “I know we just met, and I hate to be telling you to shut the fuck up already, but please, please, please just shut the fuck up.”

M was amused. He loudly asked, “Why, is this your husband??”

“Ack! No. Would you please just go away? Go over there. I’ll talk to you later, I promise, but we CANNOT have this conversation right here and now.”

Again, loudly, “Why, are you on a DATE with this guy?!?”

Additional cursing and scowling got rid of M, but no sooner was he out of my sight than I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. Cocky motherfucker sent me a text. “Too soon? Miss you!”

The night proceeded as one might have expected it to, based on the above. At some point D seemed to understand he wouldn’t be taking me home with him and decided to leave, and M decided to swoop in for a make-out session on the dance floor. He pretty quickly offered his king sized bed as an alternative to P’s futon. We breakfasted at his neighborhood farmer’s market.

But it IS entertaining to peruse a catalog of different models of men. How old is too old? How young too young? Better to have a lot in common or only a moderate amount, so there’s room for learning about something new? How on earth do I choose a favorite? Is it the good-natured, fun-loving, crazy combo of redneck and liberal country boy? The bearded vegan anarchist young Thoreau who lived in the woods for a year? The somewhat introverted but cute and apparently solidly employed camping boy who loves coffee and family as much as I do? I’ll take one of each, please. (I wonder if OkC pays for return shipping…)

So. After spending an hour convincing my mother that just because you meet a guy on the Internet doesn’t mean he’s going to hack you into pieces, last night I met someone from OkC for drinks. We have a good deal in common – both from smaller towns in Oregon, left for prestigious universities (he went to Stanford) and a few extra years of big city life, came back to be nearer our families. He was interesting and funny, but I wasn’t exactly feeling chemistry… I let him kiss me good night (just in case), but still nothing. Sad.

Tonight: Drinks with a cute and very funny guy from Vermont, then meeting friends for dancing and more drinking.

South Falls

Since my dad and I are both unemployed, we decided to take the opportunity to hike the ten lovely waterfalls at Silver Creek Falls today. It was sunny but cold. We had Thai food for lunch, and now we are home drinking beers. I called my mom at work, to see if she would come home and make us dinner, explaining that my dad and I are both really tired. She does not think I am funny.

Everyone’s Annoying

SaRAH JUST INFORMED ME I ANNOYING THE SHIT OUT OF YOU. WELL SHE ANNOYS ME TOO! GOOD NIGHT K Dinners ready. Mom